Thursday, 29 May 2014

Men as victims of Marital Rape




Rape is Rape. It is not a gender issue. When a woman rapes (sex without mutual consent) our Indian society colors the act with terms like loving or affectionate. Sadly some women consider such acts as their birth right over men. If a man tries to fight back or resist or even dreams of speaking the truth, he himself is labelled as rapist instead of being considered a Victim of rape.
 
Rape is rape, regardless of the relationship between the rapist and the victim. It can be a total stranger; someone you recognize by sight, but have never really communicated with; someone you know superficially, a neighbor or a colleague; a friend, a Girl-friend or a former Girlfriend; a live-in partner, or a former partner; someone you are married to or have been married to in the past.
 
As per Rape law, any sex without mutual consent should be considered as “Rape”. However the blinded Indian LAW assumes that the Victim of Rape can only be a woman and men are never “Raped”.
 
Rape is a very personal and intimate traumatic experience. Our experiences of and reactions to rape may differ widely. Although there are many similarities in the way that we feel about being the victim of rape, regardless of the relationship between us and the rapist, there are differences between stranger and intimate rape. In this section we are trying to describe and offer an understanding of some of the specific problems regarding marital rape (or rape by an intimate) as opposed to stranger rape.
 
Please note that in this page we refer to wives and husbands, however, it can be understood to refer to all rapes perpetrated by an intimately related person. Also, we are only looking at rape and sexual assault on men, since this is by far the most common situation but never recognized by Government or LAW makers. The result of such heinous crimes is that every year, we witness twice as many Husbands committing suicide than wives. This statistic is clear from the National Crime Records Bureau report (2005). Rape and sexual abuse also occur with similar frequency in same-sex relationships.

Historically, all cultures have had a concept of a spouses' conjugal right  to sexual intercourse with each other to curb illegitimate children and also to start apart from being an animal. The proposition of Christian teachings which influence Western culture need be considered; in particular, St. Paul's teaching: "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a set time, to devote yourselves to prayer". Such teachings led to the institution of marriage.

However with time, women raised their voice, created new laws to shut men up and gained a wholesale free license to rape husbands. We have often heard Feminist, male hating ministers openly telling media “It is the turn to suffer the men”, “Do not trust men, trust condom”.. but still Indian men prefer to keep silence than object to such comments openly.

·        Different types of rape

Marital rape is generally sub-divided into three categories: those rapes, which involve a degree of violence, those that use enough force to control the victim, known as 'force-only' rapes, and sadistic rapes.
·         Violent rape occurs, as the name suggests, when the abuser uses enough physical violence to cause injury to the victim (biting, digging nails in, damaging private parts). Examples would include the wife punching his Husband or injuring him with her nails or teeth, as he is too tired after hard work in office and wants some rest when he comes home rather than satisfy his wives sexual lust. Such rapes either become part of a violent assault, or the violence becomes part of marital rape on husband. Many rapist wives will also force their Husbands to submit to sexual acts after a physical assault, either to prove her power to him or to further intimidate and humiliate him. Commonly in such instances if the Husband should refuse such an act, the threat of further violence (or another assault on him!) will soon lead him into compliance.
·         'Force-only' rape is usually termed when a wife uses just enough force to control or hold her husband in specific position, eg holding him down by his arms or wrists to prevent him defending himself or escaping. This form of rape is common where there is a larger contrast between the age difference and strength of abuser and victim, or in abusive relationships where physical violence is infrequent or non-existent (insofar as one does not categories sexual assault itself as a violent act). In most cases of 'force-only' rape, coercion plays a large part. The victim may also be so confused and numbed by constant emotional abuse, that he simply does not know how to act or react when sex is forced on him.
·         Sadistic rape is gradually increasing in frequency. In such rapes, in addition to the rape itself, the victim is either forced to comply with or undergo deeds designed to further humiliate him. Examples of this would be the abuser/rapist forces the husband to watch a pornographic movie, making threats of seeking sexual pleasure from her ex or new-boyfriend if he does not comply. She would often demean the husband as ‘good for nothing’ in bed, while acting out a fantasy of torturer, or using repeated sex in spite of repeated requests by husband to get some rest or sleep since he has to go to work the next day. Sadistic rape may or may not involve further violence. Some people consider buggery as a sadistic form of rape, since its effect on victim is often particularly humiliating.
It is difficult to clearly separate one form of rape from another, since rape can involve a combination of above mentioned types. For instance, the rapist may use coercion tactics and enough force to control the victim initially, but then will use increased violence if the victim struggles. Many victims of marital rape feel guilty for not having struggled more, or have been told that if they did not try to physically fight their abuser and thereby sustained injuries, they have not suffered 'real rape'. This can be extremely distressing and adds to the emotional, psychological, physical and moral trauma already experienced. What has to be remembered is that when you are living with your abuser, you are often very finely tuned to her, employing numerous coping mechanisms to limit the damage to yourself. You may realize either consciously or subconsciously that if you struggle, she is likely to get violent or take her anger out on you in other ways or abuse your child, ill treat your parents or relatives, make false police complaints of Domestic Violence and make attempts to abuse you financially etc.
 
Other reasons why men do not fight back are fear of disturbing children in the household, lest they should witness their father being raped; a sense of shock or confusion at what is happening which paralyses him; and real concern for his abuser, which results in him not wanting to do anything which may harm or injure his rapist even to the determent of himself. But by far the most common and compelling reason is the fear that if he tries to fight back, everyone including the law and society will term him as “Rapist” rather than acknowledging him as a Victim of “Rape”.
 
It appears that as per Rape LAW and Domestic Violence Act, all Indian women are born in Raja Harish Chandra’s family i.e. they never lie. Whereas all laws and our society believe all men to be rapists and born in Rapist families. Even a Supreme Court Judgment says, a women’s verbal statement is sufficient to term any Tom, Dick and Harry as Rapist. This is possible even if she doesn’t undergo a medical examination to examine whether a rape has even happened or not.

The Unanswered Questions:

Does Rape/Sexual harassment happen at Workplace or Home? Why do we think only women can face sexual assault? Do Men Never face "Sexual Harassment at Workplace or home" as per the wording/action as per proposed Act by WCD?


It is another truth that even: 

"The Law Commission in one of its Report dated March, 2000 had  recommended that laws relating to rape (Sec 375 IPC) be made gender  neutral.


 
It had deliberated about widening the scope of offence under Section 375 & Section 376 IPC, and for these to be made more comprehensive to bring it in tune with current times.

But the recommendation was not accepted.  Why?

  
 
Sex or comment of sex, without mutual consent is termed as rape/sexual harassment as per LAW, then why it considered that men do not face the these situations?"


 
Will our Lawmaker ever take the moral responsibility and courage to replace the words “Men/women” by the word “Person” and replace words “husband/wife” by the word “Spouse”?

Or

Do we continue to suffer and support the ideology/wisdom and action planning of radical Feminist groups It is the turn to suffer of men ”.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Many Future success Story to be re-write with #VelfieOnNokiaXL


I had received many time links to join many Blogger meet, but never shown any interest. But when got the invitation from IndiBlogger Meets with #VelfieOnNokiaXL , some emotion got attached , as my first mobile phone was from Nokia only.
  
A person who had gone through all the ups and down of life and today understand one think +Ve in life is the key of your success and Nokia-XL going to sponsors that , can’t able to resist my self.

So, first time reached to IndiBlogger Meets.

When reached to hall of the meet, find many young bloggers, witness their enthusiasm, still I was thinking that may be I am not in right place, as the cause I fight had never been considered as Social Cause specially those are still to be get married, they spend hours to learn every issue except the law related to their married life, the way I used to do , so just was sitting silently and observing all.

IndiaBlogers Meet sponsored by Nokia XL


Then some bloggers started to introduce themselves as how they blog, what they blog, how they inspired to write more and more blogs and today blog is their identity.

But, no one even aware that every 8 min a mother or sisters in India lost their married son or Brother and the same is increasing in rocket speed; the way I was unaware till came to know the crime bure suicide data.


They all know how women get abused, many of them even believe that the suicide of married women is far more than married men in India, so only many laws had been made to protect them, but the reality is totally different.

So, take some courage and share to all, about my blog “Stop Abuse of Men “, there was pin drop silence for the moment, but suddenly hear the claps from others , make my another perception wrong, that all bloggers are male haters.

Then come Rajiv Makhni and Vikas Khanna and make all fun, activity, some double meaning Jokes make all Laughs, enjoy and have fun.

But first time came to Know how some misconception about NOKIAXL was like it can’t download Gogol apps or can’t do multi task. That’s called Myth.

Being a marketing guy, not need me much time to understand how competitors do negative publicity of your product and how negative or Myth or twisted fact/features of your product reach to customers much faster speed than air without any advertisement.

Love the way Nokia XL uses such Platform to send their messages and the power of Blogger’s network once again established. Rajiv Makhni should had been a marketing guy than News anchor.

So, what was myth about Nokia XL ?
  1. It can’t down load apps of Google Store.
  2. It can’t do multi task on Phone



I know it is not so easy to remove the Myth from people’s mind, specially about the negative publicity by your competitors, but the power of Blogger’s network can do that, as here truth prevails with evidence and live examples.

Mr. Rajiv Makhni and Mr. Vikas Khanna break the myth with live examples with a lot of fun, a kick back to all those who spread rumors with their half knowledge.

Photo: IndiBlogger Meets meet Delhi


Nokia XL with the power full camera, strong recording devices, Big screen, multi task activity and with the help of various app, many abused/distressed men going to re-write their success story very soon.






In the dinner time meet many bloggers , discussed about NokiaXL ,thier ethics , brand value , at the same time many had question about how to Stop Abuse of men ?

Who ever I meet all confirmed at least one of their friends or relative had faced false rape cases from their GF or suffered in false dowry cases from their wives and end up with Divorce, but never had thought or tried to write about their story. Yes, we prefer to sleep when others home caught fire, till it reach to our own home, seems the same logic apply here.

All of them think and have strong believe , the chances of getting a false case on them or chances of Divorce is NIL in their life time . All the 68000 married men also used to think same way and when the same happened to them, unable to handle the same and prefer to end their own life with guilt feeling how stupid was they.




This is another Myth we witness, like Nokia XL faced. You can be honest; always truth full, you might have not done any wrong, but how you will ensure others also should be honest and will not misuse the law for their personnel gain or extortion? As to term any one a rapist or wife beater , there is no need of any medical or other documentary evidence required , only a verbal allegation can term you criminal irrespective you have done the crime or not done the crime.


While driving back to home , it takes me in , in the year 2005 , when I was distressed, abused  looking for some helpline for men in Internet , find the same in some 10th page of Google , which was neither a website or news article , it was a Blog , called victim of Misuse of Dowry law.

That Blog bring me to the virtual world and I got associated with the movement called SIF (Save Indian Family).

The internet was full of article and case story how women had been abused, how but no one was talking about the abuse of men, when men also faced acid attack, men also cut by 13 or 17 pieces by their wives and her boyfriends.

I started write many article with lot of spelling mistakes to all media houses, authority , but all used to go their dustbin.

Then in the month of May, I met a bloggers from USA and he advised me to start Blogs and write my views, but I had no clue about how to write a Blog.

Being a Textile engineers and Marketing guy, I used to thought only a guy who had IT degree can make blog. So, naturally I had shown no interest to start my blog and by seeing my laziness the guy from USA create a Blog for me and send me the link and password.

I was surprised; it was so simple than open an Email account or a Face book account. Since then no stopping and started to write various suffering of men through my Blog, which had been noticed by several media houses, government authority and even by Judiciary.

First time I had term the misuse of criminal law is nothing but Legal Terrorism, many had asked me to close such blogs, but in after few days the whole internet and media house publish that Supreme Court of India had termed misuse of 498A is nothing but unleash the Legal terrorism.

Today blogs are our own media, able to reach maximum masses , reached to many abused and distressed men and their Family to provide a helping hand , create a platform for them to came , share pain, joy , love and be happy.

As we always advice to all men, when you face the abuse , recording of such abuse is must, otherwise no one will believe your pain ,as there is a strong myth prevails , if a women slap a men, definitely men had done some think wrong or if the men slap a women , then also the men done some think wrong.

 #VelfieOnNokiaXL is going to be very instrumental tools for all abused/distressed men of India, as recording of their abuse, is most important to break the Myth that when a women slap to men does not mean the Men at wrong.

Be a Blogger and Keep Blogging… it is not a rocket science at all.





Monday, 12 May 2014

What Indian men should learn and act from Ankit Tiwari Rape case?

From the various news, understand Mr. Ankit Tiwari termed as Rapist by a woman, who realized he was not keen on marrying her, she lodged a police complaint. She is a divorcee with an eight-year-old daughter. He had been also denied bail and send to Jail in the name of investigation under process. 

Rape accused Bollywood singer Ankit Tiwariremanded to police custody till May 12

The Versova Police, on Friday, recorded the statements of ten persons in connection with the allegation of rape levelled against Bollywood singer Ankit Tiwari (24) by a 28-year-old woman.

Ankit was arrested on Thursday and produced in Andheri metropolitan court, which remanded him in police custody till May 12. He had allegedly raped the victim after forcing her to consume alcohol at her sister's birthday party on July 21 last year. The party was held at the victim's flat in Andheri. The ten, whose statements were recorded on Friday, were those that had attended the party.

After allegedly getting her drunk, Ankit took her to the bedroom and raped her. After the incident, he reportedly promised to marry her, which he never did. But, both of them continued to be in touch with each other.

Last August, when Ankit went to the victim's house, she and her female friend, who was present there, raised the issue of marriage. He then reportedly applied 'sindhur' on her forehead in front of the family deity's photo. However, he declined to register the marriage. When the woman realised he was not keen on marrying her, she lodged a police complaint.

She is a divorcee with an eight-year-old daughter.

"The victim has alleged that a few months ago when she insisted on marriage Ankit threatened to circulate obscene videos of her. She also said Ankit had been aware of her past before they got into a relationship" said police inspector Subhash Vele of Versova station.

"We have seized Ankit's mobile phone and are taking the help of the cyber crime cell to ascertain whether he had indeed recorded any obscene videos of the victim and had deleted it later," Vele said.

However, during interrogation Ankit told the police that he was in a relationship with the victim but that she had never told him about her previous marriage or her daughter.

According to the police, the complainant, who is an event manager and also the president of a private firm, had got divorce from her husband a few years ago.

Ankit's elder brother, Ankur, who was also arrested on Thursday for alleged criminal intimidation, was released on bail on surety of Rs 15,000.

Now just reverse the situation, Divorced men with 8 years old child make relationship with unmarried women and after that if the women refuse to marry the man, will you term the same as rape?

Case filed against Aishwarya Rai Bachchan by alleged ex ...  but the same is not breaking news , it found only few lines in some media gossip pages and will never come to limelight.

Niroshan Devapriya, a Sri Lankan man, who claims to be Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s former lover, has filed a complaint against the 40-year-old actor, accusing her of causing him mental stress by marrying Abhishek Bachchan in 2007.

We know every one will term it unfair the case filed against Aishwarya Rai or even the man himself will be booked under IPC354 for stalking her, as a Man can’t file a Rape case against any women in India if she refuse to marry a man, if that had been the law, at least 10times more women had been termed as rapist in India.

When a women rape a man it called Love as per LAW, Society and media..right? 

Many men who demanded strong Rape LAW earlier or termed other men as wife abusers, today paying price for their blindness and support to misuse of LAW without knowing the hard reality.

Recently in  Indore  "SIF-Hope for Men" seminar,  came to Know one case, where  the women had 15 years old child, but at the time of marriage , she told him , the child is her brother !!!! The Guy goes ahead with marriage, without even given a second thought and after 6- months he came to know this is her Third marriage and the Child is not her brother it was her own child from earlier marriage. The woman is even about 8 years older than the Young guy.

They are legally married for 3- Years but no consumption of marriage till date and when husband bring her ALL past evidence and asked why she lied him before marriage, she filed 498A dowry harassment cases. She made big drama in front of men’s office, in front of men’s parent house, tried to forcefully enter in his parent’s home, though they used to stay in separate house. Now she is demanding 50 lacks and the House which husband purchased from his own hard earned money along with Bank Loan and paying EMI.

In another case a 22 year guys was forced to marry with a 28 years women, as she filed rape cases, but after 1 year now the same women filed a dowry case not against the guy, implicated his age old parents and sisters also.
Now, if you marry such women, you will get 498A after wards and if you do not marry, you will be termed as Rapist, which one as a man has to prefer?
I had always cautioned in SIF, keep safe distance form such Women, and do not fall in their trap of fake tears that how bad was their Husbands, as they are master to get sympathy from other men, from society or from Judiciary. They had a strong believe, in India they can do any crime, they can cheat any one, neither law nor Police/court have any courage to punish them.
Such women and her supporters, know very well how Indian law, media, Common men, will always support her irrespective she is right or wrong, it happened only in India, such women can have multiple physical relation with men without marriage, she can refuse to marry any men as per her wish, but if any men dare to refuse to marry her, he will be termed as rapist.


The question to be asked , is this case Mr. Ankur Tiwari rape the women or the Women had raped Mr. Ankur Tiwari by hiding her past ?

As per LAW , the verbal statement of women to be taken as true , not the statement of Ankur Tiwari. 

As we predicted at the time of Justice Verma committee reports, Many More Ankur Tiwari will be termed as rapist very soon, as they all ignored our caution when the biased, unfair anti-rape law was made, preferred to sleep with the thinking, in their life time the chances of getting a rape cases is Zero, without knowing the LAW had been tampered in such a way, today any women can term you a rapist without any evidence, only her verbal statement is sufficient to send you behind the bar.

So, Mr. Ankur Tiwari and future men like him, must thanks to Justice Verma to award you a Rapist tag for rest of the life.

But many SIF members will keep meeting with their MP/Law Makers and demand to amend the Present biased, unfair anit- rape law with a strong Punishment clause for misuse of law .

Our Proposal : 

If you really want the same should not be misused left ,right and center the way in 498A/DV act the word relative misused .
or
Be ready the Rape statistics will be double in next two years and it will became another extortion, blackmailing and easy money earning business for all Advocate, Police and greedy people.

Summary of our Recommendations and Request to meet your MP/MLA/Ministers and demand:
1)    Make Rape Law Gender Neutral as in other countries of the globe
2)    Relationship cheating cases should not be allowed to be converted into rape cases which suck the scare resources from genuine rape cases.
3)    False complaints of Rape cases should be punished severely, so that genuine cases like ‘Nirbhaya’, gets justice.
4)    Introduce the much required police reforms to increase conviction rates of rape cases
5)    Introduce the much required judicial reforms for speedier justice and to increase conviction rates of rape cases.

·        All references to “Man” or “Woman” must be replaced with the word “Person” or “Whosoever”
·        All references to “His” or “Her” to be must be replaced with the word “His or Her”
·        All references to  “He” or  “She” must be replaced with the word “He or She”
·        All references to the word ‘Husband” or “Wife” must be replaced with the word “Spouse”

Live-in-relationship or marriage disputes should not be included in the Sexual Assault/rape cases,  as the same already covered under Domestic Violence act.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Why safety of Men had been ignored in Delhi Metro ?

Through a letter Save Family Foundation , a Delhi based NGO asked Delhi Metro Officials , Why safety of Men had been ignored in Delhi Metro ?


When, in 2005, Save Indian Family Movement was founded, Men were already ignored and the Law and policy Makers, under the pressure from heavily funded Feminist groups were coming up with Legislations or Policy which in name of Women Empowerment were creating “assassin’s weapon” to penalize Men and bring in more and more hatred against men in the society. Since then, Save Indian Family (SIF) Movement has helped over 10 Lakh families across the globe who has been suffering at the hands of various Gender Biased Laws of India. Through it’s various allied NGOs, including (SFF) Save Family Foundation, Delhi (Regd. NGO), Hridaya – Nest of Family Harmony, Kolkata (Regd. NGO), SIF has been tirelessly working towards bringing peace and harmony to lives of Men and their family members dues to various False and Frivolous litigation instituted via these “Easy to Misuse” Gender Biased Laws and policy.

We are getting various complaint in our SIF-One, Men-Help-Line Number: 0-8882-498-498 , that men had been harassed , abused, Pick pockets and when they try to complaint after caught red-handed the women/girls , they are threatened them to file Molestation/attempt to rape cases like IPC354 or IPC375 without any evidence.

We as daily commuter of Delhi Metro acknowledge that Delhi Metro is minus any doubt one of world's best Transportation Facility given by Government of India to Residents of Delhi/NCR. Like other Government Departments such as Women & Child Development Ministry, N.C.W. etc, Delhi Metro has also shown the concern about Women Safety but totally ignored the safety of Men.

Then there are special gangs working, who steal the purse/wallet of male passengers as reported by CISF deputed on METRO stations through country's top leading newspaper. On approaching Metro police, they refuse register Complaints from men. In case of women, all complaints registered without any supporting evidences.

Beware! Those pickpockets in Delhi Metro are women ...

However, according to the recent data released by the Central Industrial Security Force (CISF), among the total pickpockets nabbed in the Delhi Metro in 2013, 92 per cent of them are women.

We know that you may under pressure from Women & Child Development Ministry, National Commission of Women and other associated women activists but you can’t ignore the safety of men and avoid to running away from your responsibility to make metro a crime free area for men also.

We have certain genuine concern, regarding this issue with some objections with their logical reasons: -
1. Delhi Metro has reserved special or we can say exclusive compartment only for women. If some male enters that compartment by mistake or urgency, he is fined Rs 250 or even beaten left and right. But if women enter a compartment where majority of passengers are male, she can give excuse that this is general compartment in spite of reservation, she is not fined at all because no compartment is reserved for man. Moreover, still there are seats reserved for "Ladies" in general compartment, which should be removed on immediate effect.

Q. When the whole single compartment is reserved for ladies, then why there are seats reserved for "Ladies" in general compartment?
Q. If ladies/girls feel unsafe while traveling with male passengers, then why Ladies/girls should be allowed to enter in general compartment?
Q as Daily user, we have seen girls/ladies don't corporate with senior citizens. When Lady/girl sitting on seats reserved for "SENIOR CITIZEN" doesn't offer the seat to same, then how you will tackle this issue?
Q. There are various reports confirmed, more than 92% Pick pocketer are girls/women in Delhi Metro. When they caught red handed, many had even filed false/fabricated molestation cases against men under new IPC354. So, in fear many had avoided to register the complaint.


2. Delhi Metro earns almost all of its revenue from passengers. Delhi Metro gives FREE RIDES TO GIRLS/LADIES IN OCCASION OF RAKSHABANDHAN, and then we (male passengers) should also be given same concession on same occasion.

We (male passengers) already paying more 85% taxes to government, you can file RTI to verify this fact which we have done already. Then we (male passengers) pay money to our sisters & have to provide them protection for free (FREE MONEY & PROTECTION).

In such situation any concession on the basis of Gender is totally unacceptable, as in RAKSHABANDHAN, not only sisters brothers also need to travel.

LIVE RECENT EXAMPLE: Have you not seen failed model of "Women only DTC buses" due to which DTC incurring huge losses? Hope you will not convert the Delhi Metro also like D.T.C buses.

Our members, already written protest letters to you many times but no solid action had been taken from your side.

This clearly shows that Delhi metro doesn't show any concern about male passenger safety & treats male passengers as second class of citizens.

So, would request you to consider the below measures on TOP priority:

  1. Safety of men should not be ignored and the pickpockets Photo should be published in all Metro station and they should be stopped in security checking area itself.
  2. Two compartments should be reserved exclusive for Men.
  3. Without any evidence no Molestation case should be accepted and through CCTV the truth to be identified and if any girls file false complaint the IPC182 to be used to punish them.
  4. In any occasion, the free ride to be for both genders instead of only one gender.
  5. Any physical Violence towards men, the necessary complaint to be registered on the spot.
  6. A specific Help team for men to be formed to address their problem.

The men in india gogin through the injustice and thier safety had been taken as granted since long , but now it looks orginisations like SFF , becaming a HOPE for many men of india.