Tuesday, 25 March 2014

498A wife to be taking back or not?



The basic purpose of SIF is that our Brothers should be happy.



These are some of the advices we commonly offer:


1.         Yes, we advise people not to marry 498A abusing girls and their families.
2.         We also advise that you must not take back a 498A abusing wife.
3.         We advise you not to pay money or settle false cases and support our members to fight cases on merit. We suggest that you should pay what the court orders, rather than paying to settle the case.
4.         We do not advise you to file for divorce.

Every case is different; hence every case will have its own aims. We suggest a cautious approach and the decision to take a risk is in your hands. Do we disqualify anyone from SIF movement if they do eventually burn their hands and take a risk?

Answer is no.


However we do share our utter disappointment with those who have paid money in their first marriage, marry another 498A abusing woman and then come seeking our help. We believe that by paying off the first 498A abusing woman, you have sown the seeds for further abuse to another man.

The question then is why do we advise such strategies? The reason is that there are various risk factors secondary to gender biased laws in India like 498A, DV act, CRPC125 and anti-rape law to name a few.

In SIF we have followed these basic fundamental tenets since the inception of our movement. Anyone can confirm this by going through the very old messages on our yahoo group.


SIF aims to provide happiness to its family members. Our Mantra to success lies behind a basic formula: Stress = Uncertainty x Importance. Simple mathematics rule; make any of them zero and your stress will automatically become zero.


Most of our members take our suggestions, fight and win their cases. However there are many others who are not so courageous to fight such false cases. We do not judge them and support them like any other member of the SIF movement. We Do expect them Not to pay any money to get rid of the 498A abusing woman, since by not paying at least they are not allowing her to spoil another mans’ life. This is the least we can do for the society. We hold such men in high regard since they are doing whatever they can for the betterment of the society. 

Lets discuss the point of taking a 498A abusing wife back. It is indeed a risk, especially in the first 7 years of your marriage since in many cases Supreme Court has convicted people under 304B on mere evidence that there was a 498A filed earlier. Some people do end up taking that risk of taking 498A abusing wife without proper action planning. Such men eventually tend to suffer and indirectly create problems for others unknowingly. If you do wish to take that risk, then at least observe her behaviour while separated for 6 to 8 months and then cautiously consider taking her back. Taking a 498A abusing woman can be considered an interim strategy that will help you in the long run to win any cases later on.  

In many instances false 498A cases are not filed by wives, but by in-laws. In many other cases, the disputes are not between husband and wife but actually are family disputes. In family disputes we advise patience since with time situations tend to change for example after any of the troubling in-laws’ passes away. We have also seen family disputes happening when it was a love marriage and in-laws were not supportive of the marriage; and eventually became trouble makers later. Hence we say, every case is unique and needs careful assessment. 


Bottom line is that you know your case best, you know your ex best, you are the best judge to measure the risk that you can take, and you are in the best position to plan any consequences of the risks/actions taken today, i.e. what actions would you take if tomorrow the problem starts again. 


We suggest that your plan should have an immediate, an interim and a long term goal. As a basic litmus test for such 498A abusing wives, we encourage people to get a rented accommodation, invite her to stay with you, observe her behaviour closely and if problems are visible, collect evidence of her mis-deeds and leave that home.

Sadly some people misunderstand and worse still, attempt to malign SIF movement. Such people have never understood how SIF has withstood the test of time and managed to help lakhs of people in India and abroad. These people make false/fabricated lies on Facebook and other social/public networking sites. Such acts are strongly condemned. 

If anyone has doubts and is unable to understand SIF ideology, I invite them for discussions to help them understand who we are and how we have learnt from our success and failures over the years. In SIF we learn from each other’s successes and failures and grow strong.

A member is only shunned from SIF when he/she abuses SIF movement, undertakes anti-SIF activities, charges money in the name of membership/consultancy fees for the free advice we offer,  and violates basic guidelines as set by SIF. Those indulging in such anti-SIF activities will not have their numbers flashed as our helplines/members on our websites.

If SIF wanted to provide a paid service, we could have offered service using LAW firms. Law firms are always happy to help/advice by charging money as many of our members already know. SIF was created for a different purpose. 


We are a self-supported movement run by volunteers. We are not a money charging service provider. 


Lakhs of NGOs, Law and Consultancy firms undertake activities by charging money. If there is an addition of 1 or 2 in the list, it does not make any difference to SIF

SIF movement has not forced anyone to join the movement and neither does it stop anyone from leaving. 

SIFs ideology has been its backbone for survival over the years and if anything, it has got strong. 


Love it or hate it, but SIFs ideology remains what it was when it was created. 


The problems Indian men and families face are very complex due to biased, unfair laws and misandric society. Hence there is no fixed formula of success and I repeat every case is different.  You are the best judge of your risks and we can advise you best according to the risk you have measured. Our job is to help you assess the risk, think through with you about next steps and to spread awareness so that nobody else gets trapped like you. Please contact us through telephone or yahoo group. Ideally meet us in person at our weekly meetings that take place all across the country.

Finally, SIF wants all its members and other men in the country to be happy. Please learn from others, how they have measured risks, how they have taken cautious approach, how they have won cases and ensured happiness in their lives. 

If you are happy, we at SIF are happy !!

2 comments:

life said...

Hello Swarup

we all are with you. We should prepare and inspire people and plan for long battle.

Non violent methods like hunger strike and agitations must be promoted

We should come together and create a fund by which we can lead this true cause.
We should higher some good layer in every state to help people and should refer all victim to them

Anonymous said...

Hi Swavrup, everyone is with you, thanks for this movement, all NRI's support you and love you as i'm also NRI since last 15 years, Great Job Savroop!! If my wife is not happy with me, then all my family members go to jail...it's joke and harassing the families. Swarup we are all with you... Thanks